Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day 2009

Well, folks, it's that time of the year again. Of course we've seen the obligatory stories on anti-western sentiment around the world. Normally, I'm all for being against this holiday, but from the angle of attacking it as crassly commercial. But times are tough in 2009, and several economic sectors are hurting, especially retail, so I had a different idea about what should happen on this faux celebratory occasion. Without further ado, this year's effort.

Valentine’s Day 2009: The Valentine’s Day Bailout

So Bailout, TARP, and Stimulus
Are s’posed to save the day.
But Retail, just as perilous,
Has yet to get some play.

Now comes that madeup holiday,
Already in dire straits
From Anti-Westerns making hay
Of lewd romantic dates.

Don’t florists also need a boost
To sell their fragrant wares?
Or should consumers be induced
To buy some plushy bears?

And candy makers, what of them?
Maligned for years and years,
Expanding waists and LDL,
They’re now reduced to tears.

Ah, Valentine, what would you think
If you still lived today,
To see your feast day on the brink
Of fiscal disarray?

Consumerism, long denounced,
Its debt it can repay,
If stocks and bonds can get a bounce
Before Valentine’s Day.
-James Morris, February 14, 2009